Emotional Day

Today has been an emotionally draining day. It started out early. Got to work and had the pit in my stomach that I had to call the pediatrician today to find out the results of Cody's blood work. So I called and waited for them to fax me a copy. I was on the phone with my sister when our receptionist came in and handed me the paper - my words were "wholy shit". In front of me was clear evidence that Cody has a thyroid problem. His levels are severely elevated, TSH coming in at a 9.06 (normal range is .4 - 4.0) . In June this same level was 9.10.......so we are back to where we started. There is something about talking to family on the phone that can make me cry. So yes, I threw myself a pity party today. My good friend Jeff went and got me a Dew to help. It did! I had a feeling this is what the blood test would find but I really was hoping I was wrong. Just once I want my mommy gut to be wrong! So.....I called our ped back to let them know I got the fax. First thing she said to me was "his levels are pretty high" and that was coming from the girl that answers the phone. Our doctor is on vacation till Tuesday so I have to wait to talk with him. I told her our history and asked for the pediatric endocrinologist number and I called their office. Apparently you have to have a referral from the treating doctor - not because of insurance but because I guess they don't want every crazy mother bringing their kids in based on a mommy gut feeling. I can understand. So I called our ped. back and she said they would make the call. I verified that this afternoon and the doctor has to sign something and fax over to them on Tuesday. Hopefully our first visit will be within the next couple of weeks. I want to get Cody seen and started on a treatment course ASAP. For his sake! He is so not himself and I have to remind myself to give him a little more patience as he can't help it.

While I was in the mood today, I also called and got our appointment with Dr. Tatum moved up to November. We have to discuss the adenoid issue and what our course of treatment will be. That will be 11/20.

I've done lots of crying today. Thankfully my mom and sister were down tonight and I could talk it over with them. I really want to yell "why us, why Cody" as I did the first few weeks of his life. Isn't having a cleft enough. I don't really know what our future holds and that is probably the worst of it. I am guessing medication but not sure. That tends to be the standard. I have a lot more questions as the thyroid controls the pituitary gland and that is a midline organ - same as a cleft. Midline defect. Along with this comes more doctors visits, more co pays, more money to come up with for medication, more who knows.......The other side of me is saying "bring it on", I can do this, I don't really have a choice as I didn't have a choice with the cleft and what that has to offer us. We will get through this just might shed a few more tears along the way.

So tonight as I held Cody a minute putting him to sleep I am trying to figure out how to "explain" this to him. Unlike his lip that he can see, he can't see this. I have to search within me to find the right words for a 4 year old. And then I read this poem and realized yet again I am in Holland! http://www.luckysmiles.org/inspiration.htm